Klingons and wallflowers - business networking

You've packed your business cards, combed your hair, washed your face, arrived at the networking event and you're raring to go.


You enter the conference hall and see scores of little groups of people engaged in conversation.  They all appear to know each other, or at least are giving the impression of being very comfortable in each others' company.  The thought of approaching and trying to break into one of these groups is daunting.  


You noticed that, dotted around the edge of the room are lots of people standing on their own, obviously feeling just as you feel.  You catch someone's eye; they smile; and the damage is done.  You've made a friend for the day - and you won't shake them off.


Take a step back from the heightened emotion of the networking event and consider why you and others are there.  People go to conferences and business networking events to meet people who may be useful to them in their work.  It's as callous and calculated as that.  They are not looking for friends and it's not a dating agency - it's about making the best "use" of people.


Those ranged round the edge of the room - the wallflowers - are there because they find it difficult to approach perfect strangers and strike up a conversation. At the first sign of encouragement from you, they'll become your personal klingon, clinging on to you for dear life because you were nice to them and talking to you is less scary than approaching someone else.


If they are nervous about approaching others, the likelihood is that they have been nervous in other situations.  Follow that logic through and they probably don't have an extended network, because they are not terribly good at networking.  And so, callous and cold-hearted as it seems, they are the very people to avoid because they are unlikely to be useful to you: the very people you don't want to meet.


Now switch your gaze to the people in the middle of the room, chatting away merrily to others.  They are there because they already know how to network, and so probably have reasonable networks which could enhance yours. 


Single out one of the little groups and look at the way they are standing - is the group open or closed?  In other words, is there a gap big enough for someone else to join in or are they so engrossed in each others' company that they have closed the physical gap, leaving no space for anyone else to join them?  


Open groups are unconsciously inviting others to join them, either because their conversation has run its course or because one of them is trying to get away from another.  Simply walk over and smile.  It's a all a game and they understand the rules.  After the person speaking has finished what they are saying, one of the people in the group will turn to you, shake your hand and ask you about yourself.  Remember that you can be as useful to them as they are to you. Be ready!


To start, learn to shake hands properly.  Trivial as it sounds, it has a big  effect on the impression that you create and the first few seconds are all important in creating the best impression.  A handshake is just that - a shaking of hands.  It's not about offering a hand to be shaken. The grip should be firm and the palms should touch - an arched hand or proferred fingers feel horrible to the other person.  Shake the hand, make eye contact, smile and introduce yourself.


When you introduce yourself, say your name twice - first name alone, then whole name.  For example, I would say "Hello, I'm David - David Cotton."  It will sound perfectly natural to the other person and it gives them two opportunities to hear and remember who you are.  If they hear your name, they are more likely to introduce you to others.  If they don't it will embarrass them, and you may lose opportunities to be introduced to others.  If you don't catch their name first time, say immediately: "I'm sorry. I didn't catch your name."  Don't wait until you have to introduce them to others because it's embarrassing to tell them then that you don't know who they are.  Say their name back to them to further ingrain it in your psyche - "Hello, Jane, it's nice to meet you."


Now tell them about you.  There is nothing worse in networking than declaring your title or grade as an opener.  I've been to many events for both the private sector and the public sector and public sector people in particular are fabulous at telling everyone their grade and department.  "Hello", they say, "I'm an AO in DwP."  Well, nobody cares, and you just bored everyone!  AO is a paygrade and is not interesting to anyone.  


This is where your 'elevator pitch' is so vital.  What can you say about yourself in 20 seconds that's sufficiently interesting to make someone else ask a follow-up question?  And that's what it's all about.  It isn't about selling yourself or your organisation in those few brief seconds.  Instead, it's about dropping hooks into the conversation so that the other people are interested enough to bite - by asking a follow-up question - because they are genuinely interested in what you said.  If they glaze over as you speak, you either talked for too long or expressed yourself in an uninteresting way.  Think about the outcome of your work and use that to concoct your elevator pitch.  It's more interesting to hear that you collect money to build roads, schools and hospitals than to say you're an EO in HMRC.   


Do take a stock of business cards with you.  Exchanging them as you are introduced to a person doesn't work - at this stage you don't know anything about the other person and it gives the impression of being a little too zealous.  Get into conversation and then, if they seem interesting, say "Oh, perhaps I can give you a card?"  which means "Please give me your business card."  


If you are stuck with a real bore, there are plenty of ways to get away.  Here are a few:

• "Well, it has been lovely to talk to you and I hope we meet up again"
• Tell them you need the toilet
• Open up the circle, indicating that there is room for others to join you.  Introduce whoever joins the circle, mutter "excuse me" as they are talking and wander off
• "There's someone else I must catch up with..."

As the use of social networking media software becomes prevalent, perhaps we'll see a  reduction in the number of face to face events. For the moment, they are still relatively common.  Enjoy them!


David


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